


We’re going on a cow hunt

by teaandbiscuitsforme



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Camping, DofE, Hiking, Panic Hiking, We love DofE, bronze expedition
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26250538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandbiscuitsforme/pseuds/teaandbiscuitsforme
Summary: A life-changing experience. A fun time with friends. An opportunity to discover new interests and talents. A tool to develop essential skills for life and work. A recognised mark of achievement; respected by employers.The year 2018 is the year that Merlin and his friends are finally old enough to embark on their first ever expedition—the DofE bronze. With six teenagers loose in the countryside for two whole days is bound to be trouble—especially when the group has Merlin, Arthur, Morgana and Gwen.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	We’re going on a cow hunt

**Author's Note:**

> Title based of “We’re going on a bear hunt” with a DofE twist (as when I did mine there was A LOT of cow fields). Will be a two part series, sporadic updates. Inspired by a mixture of my own bronze expedition and the castle fyrien episode.
> 
> I might write a sequel if you like this!

  
It was a Monday morning, and Merlin, Arthur, Mordred, Leon, Morgana and Gwen were all in the sports hall of Camelot High School. It was unusual for them to be there, given that being in year nine, their sports days were on Tuesday and Thursday, and always after ten, never first thing in the morning. They had all crowded themselves around in their groups, in order to distribute everything out. 

From the practice expedition, bronze being the most recent one, they were able to keep all the equipment for the next one—given it was only five weeks later. The eighteenth of July 2018 was a very sunny day, and no one could make their mind up on whether it was too hot or too cold!

“I need my jumper but it’s too hot so I don’t” Morgana whined. “Too hard to choose”.

“Ooh this is exciting” Gwen squealed. 

“As the eldest” Arthur announced, “I’ll take the phone”. They were always given a Nokia brick phone just in case of emergencies where they needed to phone the teachers, or in really serious cases, the emergency services. 

“Of course you want to” Mordred said with a roll of his eyes. 

“Who wants to hear my wood pigeon impression?” Leon asked. 

Everyone groaned. “No, Leon. Just wait till we’re actually on the expedition” Merlin said. 

“I agree” Mordred piped up.

“Okay then” Mr Gaius said, walking up to the group. Mr Gaius was the DofE leader at the school, around mid forties and tended to shout a lot, making (most) people scared of him until after they did their DofE expedition. “You alright?”.

“Yeah” Morgana nodded. 

“Okay, who has the group kit out of you and Gwen?”.

“I have the trangia today while Morgana has the tent, then we swap over tomorrow” Gwen explained. 

“Alright” Gaius said gruffly. “Now to sort out the boys”.

“No, I want to take the trangia” Mordred whined. 

“No, you’re taking the tent” Leon argued. 

“No, I’m taking the trangia”.

“What are you two fighting about?” Gaius bellowed. 

“Nothing” Mordred stammered. He was rather scared of Mr Gaius. 

“We can’t decide who’s taking the tent first” Leon explained. 

“Mordred, you take it today, swap tomorrow” Gaius said. 

“But—“ Mordred protested. 

“It’ll be easier tomorrow if you take it today. I’m not having you whining the whole expedition like last time”.

“I had it on the second day last time” Morgana piped up. “Then Miss Jones has to take it off as I was exhausted”.

“Better planning this time?” Gaius checked. 

“Much better planning” Morgana confirmed. 

“Alright, Merlin, Arthur, how are you getting on?” Gaius checked. 

“He’s being an idiot” Arthur whined. 

“He won’t cooperate” Merlin whined. 

“Well I don’t have enough space in my bag for the trangia so I’ll just take the tent and swap tomorrow!” Arthur exclaimed. 

“You said that last time! And it didn’t happen. I want the tent” Merlin retorted. 

“Arthur, tent. Merlin, trangia”.

“But—“ they both protested. 

“No buts. Now, come on, into the coach everyone. Groups seven and six, let’s go!”.

Merlin’s group was group six so they had to go rather quickly, as they carried their huge bags out of the sports hall into the car park. 

“So heavy” Morgana smiled. “I’m tired and we haven’t even started”.

“I forgot to sleep” Gwen shrugged. 

“You utter _idiot_ ” Morgana said with a roll of her eyes. 

“I know” Gwen replied. 

“Put then in the minibus” Mr Gaius said, so Morgana and Gwen did so, being first on the coach. 

“Come on Morgs, we want to get at the back” Gwen called as she walked ahead. 

“You mean you want to go at the back” Morgana muttered. “So you can be with the boys”.

“Oh you can’t go on yet” the bus driver said, earning a pout from Gwen as they walked off the coach.

“I’m so excited” Morgana smiled, pulling her jumper off. “It’s too hot for a jumper but too cold without”.

“It really is” Miss Nimueh agreed. “I agree, the weather is either too hot or cold. I’ve been backpacking around Asia before and that was the case”.

“Asia?!” Morgana asked with widened eyes. “Wow! That’s so cool”. 

“Yeah it was” Miss Nimueh agreed. “Okay I think we’re allowed on”.

Gwen wanted to avoid the populars so she and Morgana compromised and went in the middle (that and all the others wanted to be near the front or back so there wasn’t much of a choice).

Just after around half eleven after an hour of driving in a slow coach, they had finally arrived. They were doing their expedition in a little village just outside Avalon with a campsite and many walking areas, as the campsite at the reservoir they were supposed to go to had stopped accepting students so it had to be changed at the last minute. 

“Arthur’s asleep” Morgana whispered to Gwen with a giggle. 

“Oh god he is” Gwen replied. 

“Come on then, time to wake up” Leon called. 

“Arthur, wake up” Merlin said, sharply elbowing him in the ribs. 

“Huh, what?” Arthur asked confusedly. 

“We’re here” Mordred said. 

“Okay, everyone needs to wait here now” Miss Tregor said. There was only two teachers on the coach—Miss Tregor and Miss Nimueh. Mr Gaius and Mr Helios each had a minibus, while Mr Alvarr and Miss Alice took their cars. 

They all were let out in order of their groups, so they were second to last. Everybody made their way on to the campsite, following the two cars and minibuses. Everybody retrieved their bags and then stood together in their groups, making the last minute decisions. 

Everybody except Merlin and Mordred ended up wearing shorts, with both Merlin and Morgana vigorously reminding the other members of their group to put sunscreen on, as the pair of them covered themselves in the sticky liquid. 

“I don’t need sunscreen” Gwen said. “Trying to get a tan”.

“You can get a tan with sunscreen, or sun oil” Morgana said. 

“I know that” Gwen snapped. “I can’t use any sunscreen except children’s one”.

“Of course” Morgana replied with a roll of her eyes. 

“If you get skin cancer it’s your fault then” Arthur said with a shrug. 

“Arthur” Merlin warned, poking him in the ribs. 

“What?” Arthur asked. “There’s radiation on computers so technically we should wear sunscreen then but no one does”.

“Dollop head” Merlin muttered. 

“Okay so I have the maps, let me just hand them out” Mr Helios  
said. “So you get two maps, two map cases and one compass. Okay let’s double check the route”. Mr Helios guided them through the route, the only ones actually paying attention being Merlin and Gwaine, while Arthur and Mordred argued while Gwen and Morgana giggles and talked to Miss Nimueh. 

“Okay, let’s get a picture before you leave” Mr Gaius said as he got out his camera. They ended up being the last group to leave as Merlin and Morgana were being rather rigid with their sunscreen. 

“Oh, take one on my camera” Morgana said as she handed Mr Gaius her camera.

“And mine” Merlin added as he passed his disposable camera to Mr Gaius. Mr Gaius said good luck to them all, double checked they knew which way they were going (which they were certain they knew), before the group headed out of the road that led to the campsite. 

“Uhh, which way?” Merlin asked. 

“Dunno” Arthur said. 

“Was anyone actually listening?” Morgana asked. 

“Were you?” Gwaine asked. 

“She and Gwen were girlsing back and forth with Miss Nimueh”.

“We were _talking_ ” Morgana snapped. 

“Sure” Mordred said with a roll of his eyes. 

“Hang on, there’s another group” Arthur said, pointing at the confused looking group two. 

After talking to the group, walking down a hill then up, then down again, they finally went on track as they walked down the road. 

“Oh look, a graveyard” Merlin pointed out. 

“Shame we’re not camping there” Gwen said. “It’d be so cool”.

“Gwen, you’re scared of Star Wars” Morgana added with a roll of her eyes. 

“I know. It’s scary, okay?!”.

“Star Wars isn’t scary” Mordred scoffed. 

“It is” Gwen insisted. 

“Come on slow coaches” Arthur called from ahead. 

“Not all of us are six footers” Morgana grumbled. At just turned fourteen, Morgana was only 4”11, the shortest in the group. 

“Come on” Arthur called. 

“Just ignore him” Merlin said. “Arthur’s well, Arthur”.

“I know” Morgana agreed. “He’s an annoying prat”.

“Oooh listen, it’s a wood pigeon, let’s see if we can see it” Merlin said excitedly. They looked around then realised it was Leon, groaned, and ignored him. 

“Leon and his wood pigeons” Gwen shook her head. “Don’t we have to cross over?”.

“Let me check the map” Merlin said, stopping for a moment.

“Yep, we do” Leon said. He and Arthur were already on the other side of the road. 

“Let’s cross then” Morgana sighed. While Mordred and Morgana waited for the cars to finish, Gwen began to cross without looking. A car came speeding round the bend and Gwen saw it, panicked, and ran back. Again, she failed to look where she was going, and went straight into a bush. 

“Gwen what the fuck” Morgana laughed. 

“You idiot!” Mordred exclaimed. 

“Well at least now I look a part of the DofE look” Gwen smiled. With her hair loose there were leaves and twigs all over it. 

“Come on Gwen, Morgana, Mordred” Arthur called from the other side of the road. 

“She almost got killed! Calm down” Morgana shouted. This time they ended up crossing the road safely, finding a church. “Right, church number one” Morgana said. As a part of their project, they had to see what different churches there were, and write a small summary of them. 

They carried on past that after taking and the map led them down a footpath that led to another village, through many fields

“Can we have a break now?” Morgana asked. 

“NOPE” Arthur said. 

“We literally just started” Leon said. “Come on”.

“I’m tired let’s stop” Mordred whined. 

“Okay, you can stop once you catch up with us” Arthur said, sitting down on a stile. 

“Hey!” Mordred exclaimed. “Why do you get to sit on that?”.

“I have the longest legs, I need the most resting”.

“Prat” Merlin sighed. After a ‘five minute break’ (two and a half minutes when counting), they carried on along the field, soon entering an old car yard. 

“Woah! Cool! It’s an old car yard!” Mordred exclaimed. 

“Mordred” Morgana sighed. “Please shut the fuck up. Well done, it is a car yard”.

“He says that like he’s never seen a car yard before” Arthur muttered. 

“I have!” Mordred insisted. “Just not one with old cars”.

“Where have you been the past fourteen years?” Leon laughed. 

“I’m only thirteen” Mordred murmured. 

“Ha! And I thought I was the baby of the group” Morgana added triumphantly. 

“Well you certainly are height wise” Arthur teased. 

“Oi! Stop being heightist you bloody prat!”.

“Yeah, Princess” Leon mocked. 

“Shut up” Arthur scoffed. “Oh look, Mr Alvarr is there. We can stop for lunch then”.

“Finally” Gwen grumbled. 

“Just ignore him, he’s being a pest” Merlin said. 

“Is he always such an asshole?” Morgana asked. 

“Fifty fifty. Sometimes he’s alright” Merlin shrugged. 

“It’d be nice to see _that_ side of him” Gwen remarked. 

“Which we never will” Morgana said. “Prat”.

They walked up to Mr Alvarr and stopped for their lunch—dry jelly for Gwen, Pot Noodle for Morgana, sandwiches for Merlin, crackers and rice cakes for Arthur, samosas from the local Indian takeaway for Mordred and pizza for Leon. 

“Interesting lunch choices” Mr Alvarr remarked with a raised eyebrow. “Jelly, pot noodle, sandwiches, crackers, samosas and pizza”.

“I don’t like pot noodle” Gwen sighed, looking at Morgana. 

“What?” Morgana asked as she slurped up her pot noodle. “Mr Gaius said we weren’t allowed it for dinner. He never said anything about lunch”.

“Fair enough” Mr Alvarr shrugged. “Seeing as everyone’s finished, you may as well head off. That way you can stay on schedule and get to the first check point”.

“The first checkpoint is only over there!” Mordred exclaimed and he pointed in the direction of the check point. “And we don’t have to be there for 3 minutes. We’re basically there”.

“Hm we need to stay on track” Mr Alvarr replied. “Now off you go. Come on”.

“Can you take my rubbish, sir?” Mordred asked. 

Mr Alvarr groaned. “Mordred, you know the rules. You have to take all your rubbish yourself”.

“Okay” Mordred sighed, reloading his bag on himself.

“Okay, everyone ready to head off?”.

“Yes” they all chorused. 

“Okay then, bags on and of you go”.

After almost falling over a few times, and Morgana ended up falling over and accidentally opening her bottle making half her water leak, with everybody’s bags on their backs they headed off towards the next checkpoint. 

“Are we getting a break soon?” Mordred asked. 

“We literally just had lunch” Morgana replied with a roll of her eyes. “We don’t need a break”.

“Thank you, Morgana” Arthur remarked. 

“Hang on though” Morgana said, bending down. She somehow managed to lean over with her bag on and didn’t fall, stuck her fingers in the mud and wiped it along her cheek bones. 

“Morgana why on earth have you got mud on your face?” Merlin asked with a laugh. 

“War paint” Morgana replied. “Now let’s get this certificate and badge!”.

“Just down this field” Leon said, leading them down one field. 

“Okay, we can sing now!” Gwen added. “We’re away from people”.

“Havana ooh na na” Morgana sang. “Heaven my heart is in Havana ooh na na”.

“He took me back to east Havana ooh na na na. Oh but my heart is in Havana ooh na na” Gwen sang. 

“Will you shut up” Mordred grumbled. 

“Havana ooh na na. Half of my heart is in Havana ooh na na, I don’t remember the Spanish bit” Morgana sang. 

“I know you moved on to somewhere new” Gwen sang. “Hope life is beautiful”.

“Leaving to find my soul, told her I had to go. And I know it ain't pretty  
When our hearts get broke” Morgana sang. 

“Too young to feel this old, watching us both turn cold oh, I know it ain't pretty when two hearts get broke yeah, I know it ain't pretty  
when two hearts get broke” Gwen sang. 

“Please stop” Mordred said. 

“No!” Morgana shouted before she went back to singing, “I hope someday we'll sit down together  
and laugh with each other about these days, these days”.

“All our trouble, we'll lay to rest and we'll wish we could come back to these days, these days oh woah woah woah” Gwen and Morgana sang together. 

“Well at least you two cheered up” Arthur remarked. 

“Cigarettes in the ash tray, reminiscing on those past days, I thought you'd end up with my last name but that changed” Gwen sang. 

“Something about travelling around the world, think about where you livin’ now, heard you moved to oxford got an apartment and settled down” Morgana sang. 

“Is this song over yet?” Leon asked. 

“No! Every once in a while I start texting, write a paragraph then I delete the message, think about you like the past time” Gwen sang. 

“They say things fall apart, we were gunna move to Brooklyn, you were gunna study art, that was just a tool, to remind us who we are and that we’re not alone when we’re walking in the dark” Morgana sang. 

“Duet time” Gwen squealed. 

“I hope some day we’ll sit down together, and laugh with each about these days these days. All our troubles we lay to rest and we’ll wish we could come back to these days, these days!” Morgana and Gwen sung together, high diving as the song ended. 

“Thank god! Hallelujah! It’s over” Mordred happily cheered. 

“Oh now we’re gunna start a new song” Morgana smirked. “Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you I drank too much and that’s an issue but I’m okay”.

“Hey, tell your friends it was nice to meet them, but I hope I never see them agaaaain” Gwen sang. 

“I know it breaks your heart, moved to the city in a broke down car and. Four years no calls, now you’re looking pretty in a hotel bar”.

“And I, I, I can’t stop. No I can’t stop” they dueted. “So baby pull me closer in the back seat of your rover that I know you can’t afford, bite that tattoo on your shoulder, pull the sheets right of the corner from the mattress that you stole from your roommate back in boulder we ain’t ever getting older”.

“Do do do do, do do do do” Mordred miraculously sang in tune. 

“We ain’t ever getting older” the girls sang. 

“We ain’t ever getting older” Merlin sang. 

“Okay, single file kids. We’re going along a road” Leon said, taking the lead as they began to walk along the small road. They saw someone driving so ended up going on to the grass for a short while, before realising that they did in fact know the person driving. 

“Hellers and Nimueh!” Mordred and Morgana shouted, waving at the minibus. 

“You’re in luck Mordred. We’re taking a break” Leon said, dropping his bag down and sitting on it. The minibus neared then—Mr Helios and Miss Nimueh being in the bus, stopping for a break. They quickly divided themselves up—boys talking to Mr Helios about maps while the girls talked to Miss Nimueh. 

“They won’t stop singing, it’s rather annoying” Mordred whined. 

“They’re happy” Mr Helios shrugged. “Take a chill pill”.

“Speaking of pills, I don’t know if I should take my iron tablet or not” Morgana said. “I took one this morning and normally take it at night but I am feeling tired now so wouldn’t mind the extra energy”.

“Iron tablets? Are you anaemic?” Miss Nimueh checked. 

“Yeah. My mum did email Mr Gaius about it, he said I could keep them on me”.

“If you’re feeling tired I’d take them now” Miss Nimueh shrugged. “I used to be anaemic too when I was vegetarian”.

“No way! I’m vegetarian too” Morgana exclaimed. 

“She doesn’t eat enough spinach” Gwen shook her head. 

“Who’s the one taking food tech out of us?” Morgana retorted. 

“You” Gwen replied sheepishly. 

“Thank you! So I know a bit more than you do!”.

“Do you kids need water refills?” Miss Nimueh checked. 

“I do” Morgana said, grabbing her water bottle. “My bottle leaked and Mr Alvarr wouldn’t let me fill it up so I’m like dying”.

“Mr Alvarr can be rather strict” Miss Nimueh agreed as she poured water for everyone. “That’s just the way he is”.

“At least he’s leaving at the end of the year” Gwen shrugged. 

“Thank goodness for that” Miss Nimueh muttered. 

“Anyway, you lot are ahead of time but I think it’s time to be heading off” Mr Helios said. 

“Yeah” Morgana agreed as she stood up. “That was a good break. I feel so much better now”.

“Good” Miss Nimueh sighed. “Morgana, is that _mud_ on your face?”.

“She literally put mud on her face!” Gwen exclaimed. “She grabbed it and smeared it all over”.

“War paint” Morgana scowled. “Yeah, I have mud on my face get over it everyone”.

“Blimey you do have mud on your face” Mordred remarked. 

“Well done Mordred” Gwen sarcastically replied. 

“Okay, so what are the directions?” Mr Helios checked. 

“Down the road and take a right, then down the road and the left into the field”.

“That’s right” Mr Helios confirmed. “And after that?”.

“Left into another field” Leon replied as he checked the map. 

“Good, you all seem to have it figured out” Miss Nimueh smiled. 

“So we shall see you at camp” Mr Helios smiled. 

“Already? You think we’re close to camp?” Morgana asked. 

“Should only be a couple more hours. It isn’t long at all” Miss Nimueh smiled. 

“Bye” they all chorused, carrying on down the road. 

“Just like” Morgana began singing. “Nicotine, heroine, morphine!”.

“Suddenly I’m a fiend and you’re all I need, yeah you’re all I need” Gwen sang. 

“It’s you babe, and I’m a sucker for the way that you move babe, just one hit and you know I’ll never ever be the same” Morgana and Gwen sung in unison. 

“You’re in my blood, you’re in my veins, you’re in my head” Morgana sung. 

“You’re in my blood, you’re in my veins, you’re in my head” Gwen sung. 

“It’s you babe” Gwen and Morgana chorused, “and I’m a sucker for the way that you move babe, just one hit and you know I’ll never ever be the same!”.

“And we now take a right” Leon instructed. “Watch out for cars”. 

They looked to double check there was no cars, stopped talking to make sure they couldn’t hear any in the distance and crossed the road. 

“It’s Nimueh and Hellers” Arthur shouted, as all the teenagers excitedly waved at their teachers. Helios beeped at them while Nimueh waved before they continued down the road. 

“Okay, there’s a left coming up soon I believe” Arthur said as he checked his map. 

“And there’s Mr Gaius” Gwen pointed out as they saw Mr Gaius driving in the second minibus. He pulled over right in front of where they were due to turn off and quickly got out of the minibus. 

“Alright?” He asked. 

“Yep” everybody replied. 

“Know where you’re going?” Gaius checked. 

“Down this path” Morgana replied. 

“Good” Gaius said. “Anyone need a water fill up?”.

“We saw Mr Helios and Miss Nimueh a few minutes ago” Gwen added. 

“Okay so you’re all good to go. See you at the campsite in two hours”.

“See ya” Mordred said as they began to follow the footpath they needed. 

“Everybody say, say something, say something, say something” Gwen sang. 

“Say something, say something. But I can’t help myself, I can’t help myself, caught up in the middle of it” Morgana sang.

“Baby I’m looking for something I can’t. Baby I’m looking for something I can’t” Gwen sang. 

“This is too fast for DofE” Morgana sighed. “Let’s do, I dunno, clean version of freaky Friday?”.

“Okay” Gwen agreed. 

“I’ve been a liar been a thief” Morgana began singing. 

“Morgana—that’s river!” Gwen chuckled. 

“Oops” Morgana shrugged. “I woke up Chris Breezy!”.

“I woke up in Chris browns body, somehow this shit turned into freaky Friday. I’ve got no choice but to turn this shit sideways, I can’t believe that it’s freaky Friday, yeah it’s freaky Friday” Gwen and Morgana sung. 

“Can’t remember the rest” Morgana shrugged as best as she could with her expedition bag on. “2002?”.

“Yeah” Gwen agreed, as they begun on their next song. “But no solos”.

“I will always remember the day you kissed my lips, light as a feather and it went just like this no, it's never been better, than the summer of 2002, ooh. We were only eleven but acting like grown-ups like we are in the present, drinking from plastic cups singing, "Love is forever and ever". Well, I guess that was true. Dancing on the hood in the middle of the woods on an old Mustang, where we sang songs with all our childhood friends. And it went like this, say Oops, I got 99 problems singing bye, bye, bye  
Hold up, if you wanna go and take a ride with me, better hit me, baby, one more time, paint a picture for you and me, on the days when we were young. Singing at the top of both our lungs, on the day we fell in love, ooh ooh, ooh ooh. On the day we fell in love”. 

“GWAINE! PERCY” Arthur yelled as he noticed them on the other side of the field, beginning to run as best as he could with a sixty litre bag on. 

“Arthur, they’re too far ahead” Merlin sighed, watching as Arthur continued to run. 

“PERCY, GWAINE!”.

“He’s not gunna make it” Mordred said. 

“He won’t anyway” Leon sighed. “We have a left coming up”.

“GWAINE! PERCY! NOOOOO!” Arthur yelled, giving up on running after noticing that their group had already started to go. 

“We should be taking this next left” Leon said, “then there’s a footpath towards the road hopefully”.

“That’s good. Hang on, snack time” Morgana said, so they all stopped for their snacks. 

“This is pretty decent” Merlin said as he ate a chocolate bar. 

“Yeah, I have to agree” Morgana remarked. 

“If we all do this again, should we stay in the same group?” Arthur asked. 

“Yeah. I like our group” Gwen smiled. 

“I’m in if I do silver” Morgana smiled. 

“Me too, IF I do silver” Mordred added. 

“Same here. It’ll be fun” Leon said. 

“Ready to head off?” Morgana asked as she put her bag back on and stood up. 

“Well that was quick for you” Arthur remarked as he stood up to put his bag back on. 

“We’re going ahead” Gwen said. “You’ll catch up”.

“There’s two, there’s four, there’s six, there’s eight” Gwen began to sing. 

“Shunting trucks and hauling freights. Red and green and brown and blue, they’re the really useful crew” Morgana sang. 

“All with different roles to play, round Tidmouth sheds and far way, down the hill and round the bends, Thomas and his Friends” Morgana and Gwen sung together. 

“On second thoughts, I’ll stay behind” Arthur joked as he walked ahead. 

“Footpath seems to be just ahead” Leon said as he checked the map. “I think it’s on the other side of this bean field”.

“Don’t be ridiculous” Morgana scoffed. “We’re not going through there”.

“We might not have much of a choice, Morgana” Arthur sighed. 

“Okay, let me just do my laces before we go”.

“You know what, let’s just take another break” Mordred sighed as he flopped on his back, still in his bag. Once everyone had tied their laces (and after double checking the map), they began to walk. 

“Okay, just through here” Leon said, walking up to the bean field and pushing through. 

“Fucking hell” Mordred muttered. 

“We’re all going to die” Morgana sighed as she followed behind. 

“You won’t, you’ll be fine” Gwen shrugged. “It’s only a bean field”

“Have you seen this bloody place?!” Morgana exclaimed. “Fucking stingers, thorns, ughh”. They continued to follow Leon towards the end of the bean field, when he turned around looking ashamed. 

“There isn’t a path. Back we go” he sighed as they turned around and walked back again. 

“Fuck you, Leon” Morgana yelled as they continued through the field back to the start. “Fuck you”.

“Well that went well” Gwen remarked. 

“Maybe shorts wasn’t a good idea” Merlin sighed. 

“You say that like you’re not wearing fucking trousers” Morgana snorted. 

“Fuck this shit I’m out” Mordred sighed. “OUCH”.

“Did you get stung again?” Morgana asked. “FUCK ITS A FUCKING THORN IN MY LEG”.

“SHIT SHIT THORNS WHY AM I WEARING SHORTS” Gwen squealed. 

“Honestly, you guys are so dramatic” Arthur sighed as he walked ahead. “It’s not that—FUCKING SHIT SHIT SHIT ON IT!”. Given that it was a bean field, there was the occasional root and Arthur was the unlucky sod who tripped over it. 

“Calm down Arthur” Morgana smirked. “You only fell on a few thorns”.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck” Arthur cried as he tried to run out of the field. Ten tedious minutes later they had FINALLY gotten out of the bean field and sat down for a very much needed break. 

“Fucking hell” Morgana winced as she looked down at her legs, red from a combination of stinging nettles and thorns. 

“Blimey, that’s bad” Gwen remarked as she looked at her legs. “I’m okay”.

“Good for you” Morgana sneered, getting her first aid kid out. “I’m getting rid of these thorns. Does anyone have tweezers?”. Morgana began to pull the thorns out of her legs and put plasters on top, while everybody plastered themselves as necessary. 

“Morgana are you okay?” Merlin asked. 

“I’m fucking fine” Morgana insisted. “Might be allergic”.

“You should probably show Miss Nimueh or Mr Gaius” Merlin agreed. 

“Ready to go then everyone?” Morgana asked. 

“Yes yes, let’s head off. After we check the maps” Leon said. 

“Oh and I’m going for a piss” Arthur said, walking away. 

“Arthur!” Merlin gasped. “No need to announce”.

“Well don’t look then” Arthur replied, as he hid behind a tree.   
  


”You look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards and forwards” Morgana remarked.

”It’s DofE! Need I say more?” Gwen exclaimed.

”WE HAVE BEEN DRAGGED THROUGH A HEDGE BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS” Morgana shouted. “Cause someone thought there was a footpath on the other side of the _bush_ ”

“Okay so we were supposed to take a left higher up, not here” Leon sighed. “Well let’s head off then”.

They carried on down the path and took the right path this time, before they had to go up some stairs on to a bridge where Mr Alvarr was stood with his car. 

“Hi everyone, okay?”.

“Yeah, we’re good” Morgana said as she scowled at Leon. 

“Morgana what happened to your legs?” Mr Alvarr asked. 

“Somebody dragged us through a fucking bean field bush”. She continued to shoot daggers at Leon. 

“I thought the path was on the other side” Leon stammered. 

“Okay, no one else covered in plasters head to toe?” Mr Alvarr checked. 

“Only a few” Merlin said, sticking out his arm. “Only Morgana has it that bad. Must be the height”.

“Stop being heightist!” Morgana exclaimed.   
  
“Sorry” Merlin replied sheepishly. 

“We’re taking a break” Gwen declared, sitting down next to the car. 

“Okay let me check the map” Mr Alvarr said while everybody else rested, chatting to another group. 

“Hey merlin” Freya smiled. “Gosh it’s hot isn’t it?”.

”It is” Merlin agreed.

”Think I might get heatstroke” Freya joked as she took her top off.

”It’s twenty degrees, you won’t get heatstroke” Merlin frowned as he turned away from her.

Once the five minute break was over, Alvarr handed the map to Mordred and Merlin. “Right, so you need to go down the hill and down that road”.

“But it’s private property” Leon frowned. 

“I don’t care if it’s private property, the map says that way so go that way. See you at camp” Alvarr smiled, getting in his car and driving off. 

“Well Mr Alvarr said private property so private property it is, follow me everyone” Mordred said as he took the lead. Despite the sign VERY clearly saying “PRIVATE PROPERTY”, they went down the road until they ended up at a fancy house, where somebody clearly was having a barbecue. 

“You can’t come down here, it’s private property!” The owner exclaimed. “Can I help you?”.

“We’re doing a DofE expedition” Arthur said as he snatched the map of Mordred and walked up to her. “Our teacher told us that apparently we had to come through here”.

“Let me see the map” she sighed. After getting some help, they went back down the stairs they used to get onto the bridge and went under the bridge, sitting down there for a break. 

“No one fall in” Arthur said as he walked along to the end of the river. “But wow I would love to go for a swim”. 

“Arthur why?” Gwen sighed. 

“If I was a girl I could go topless. Like Freya. She wasn’t wearing a t-shirt”.

“So?” Merlin asked. “Dollop head”.

“Describe dollop head, in two words”.

“Arthur Pendragon” Merlin shrugged. 

“Merlin” Arthur scoffed. “Right I’m off” he picked up his bag and slowly walked off. “Come on!”. The others quickly followed behind him after that down the field next to the water lock. 

“Not long now, I don’t think” Morgana smiled. “I can’t wait to get to the campsite”.

“Yeah, then we get the longest breEAAAK FUCKING HELL” Merlin said. 

“What’s wrong now—where’s Merlin?”.

“I fell down a hole!” Merlin exclaimed. 

“You’ll catch up. Come on then” Morgana yelled. 

“You call me, all friendly telling me how much you miss me” Gwen sang. 

“That’s funny, I guess you heard my song” Morgana sang. 

“You say you’re sorry but it’s too late now, so save it and don’t shut up. Cause if you think I care about you now, know boy I don’t give a fuck” the girls sang together. “You say you’re sorry but it’s too late now, so save it and just shut up! Cause if you think I care about you boy, know boy I don’t give a fuck!”.

“What kind of fucking song is that!” Arthur asked, looking rather confused. 

“BOY I DONT GIVE A FUCK” Gwen and Morgana yelled. 

“I wanna follow where she goes. I think about her and she knows it. I wanna let her take control cause everytime she gets close yeah” Morgana sung. 

“She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing. Mmmm. Maybe I should stop and start confessing, confessing” Gwen continued. 

“Oh I’ve been shaking I love it when you go crazy you take all my inhibition’s baby there’s nothing holding me back, you take me places that tear up my reputation manipulate my decisions, baby there’s nothing holdin me back” they chorused, dancing along. 

“Can we have a different song, please?” Mordred asked. 

Gwen and Morgana looked at each other before Morgana burst into song. “I’ve been a liar been a thief, been a lover, been a cheat, all my sins need holy water feel it washing over me”.

“Oh little one” Gwen continued. “I don’t wanna admit to something if all it’s gunna cause is pain. The truth in my lies are falling like the rain, so let the river run”.

“And I can’t remember the rest of the song” Morgana sighed. 

“Never mind the songs” Leon snapped. “We’re a bit lost”.

“Shit” Arthur said.

“What do you mean we’re lost?” Gwen asked. 

“We can’t be lost” Morgana scoffed. 

“Well, we are” Leon shrugged. “Here, you map read. It says we should be on a path but we’re in the middle of a field!”.

“Let me take a look” Merlin sighed. “I’m an expert at map reading”.

“Sure you are” Arthur rolled his eyes. “It’s a good thing we aren’t lost then, isn’t it?”.

“We just carry on down here. I don’t know what you found so hard” Merlin snorted. 

“Yeah, just through this field” Leon replied. It wasn’t “just through that field”. There was A LOT more fields they had to take, wrong turns and crossing through gates. 

“It’s already six thirty! Are we ever going to get back?” Morgana exclaimed. 

“We will, if it’s meant to be” Gwen shrugged. Morgana and Gwen looked at each other with a slight glint in their eyes. 

“Oh no. They’re doing that look again” Mordred muttered. 

“If it’s meant to be, it’ll be! So baby just let it be!” Morgana and Gwen sang. 

“Stop the singing, we’re actually having a crisis” Arthur snapped. 

“Does anyone know where we are?” Mordred asked. 

“No...not really” Leon admitted, hanging his head in shame. 

“We’ll eventually find the path. Come on guys” Merlin said. It felt as though they were going around in circles, completely and utterly lost. 

“Pain! You make me a, you make me a believer! Believer!” Morgana and Gwen began. 

“What’s the next lyrics?” Morgana asked with a giggle. 

“I can’t remember. Cause I’m on top of the world eh!” Gwen sang, continuing with Morgana. “I’m on top of the world eh! Waiting on this since a while eh, been waiting on this since a child, I’m on top of the world!”.

“We’re NOT on top of the world! We’re fucking lost in the British countryside!” Leon exclaimed. “Y’know what, let’s take a break”.

They ended up taking a rather long break, and by the time they ended up setting off again it was almost half seven, as they made their way across a field full of hay bales which were being wrapped up. 

“Remember JLS?” Gwen excitedly gasped, turning to Morgana. 

“Omg! Yes! JLS” Morgana squealed. 

“They’re telling me that my heart won’t beat again, beat again oh its killing me” They sang happily as they walked across the field. 

“Okay. Left or right?” Merlin asked as they ended up at a crossroad in the field. 

“The map clearly says right” Leon insisted. 

“Yes, but as you can see going left is much more practical” Merlin protested. 

“No, right!”.

“No, left”. 

“I’m going right” Arthur added. 

“Me too” Mordred said as he followed the other. 

“Yeah same” Gwen added as she followed the others. 

“I’m going left” Merlin insisted. 

“Yeah, me too” Morgana added as she followed after Merlin. 

“Arthur can be such a prat sometimes” Merlin sighed. 

“I know” Morgana agreed. “Same with Gwen”.

“Sounds like they’re a match made in heaven” Merlin joked. 

“Tell me about it. I don’t understand why they wanted to go that way when it generally makes so much more sense to go this way!”.

“I know” Merlin sighed. They sat on opposite sides of the field for twenty minutes before it was obvious no one was going to budge so Merlin and Morgana trudged back to the others. 

“No breaks” Gwen sighed. “We’re getting to that fucking campsite”.

“That we are” Morgana agreed. “If it’s the last thing we do”.

“It could well be” Mordred sighed. “Cows are scary”.

“They’re not that bad” Morgana scoffed. 

“That’s only cause we haven’t walked through one yet” Mordred retorted. “They’re scary”.

“Whatever you say, Mordred” Gwen smiled. “Can we get, famili, famili, familiar”.

“Familiar familiar familiar” Morgana continued. “And I forgot the rest of the song. Come on over in my direction”.

“She thankful for that, such a blessing yeah. Turn everything into a blessing yeah” Gwen sang. 

“DES-PA-CITO, this is how we do it down in Puerto Rico, DESPACITO” Morgana and Gwen sang. 

“NOT DESPACITO” Arthur called. “Anything BUT despacito. Not DESPACITO”.

“Calm your tits” Morgana yelled. 

“And we’re lost again” Leon sighed. “That’s a nature reserve, we’re not supposed to be here”.

“Well where do we go then?” Gwen sighed. 

“Back that way” Arthur said, pointing in the opposite direction. 

“I told you so!” Merlin triumphantly smirked. “I told you so”.

“Knew it” Morgana smirked. “Well lets go then, what’re we waiting for?”.

“The trangia to finish boiling, of course” Merlin joked. 

“Well let’s go! Come on” Mordred said as he waddled ahead. 

“Lately I’ve been I’ve been loosing sleep” Morgana sung. “Dreaming about the thing that we could be, but lately I’ve been praying hard, said no more counting dollars we’ll be counting stars”.

“Yeah we’ll be counting stars” Gwen smiled, smirking as the went into duet. “Everything that kills me makes me feel alive, baby I’ve been I’ve been loosing sleep, dreaming about the thing that we could be. But baby I’ve been I’ve been praying hard, said no more counting dollars we’ll be counting stars”.

“Old, but I’m not that old, young, but I’m not that bold”.

“Bad news” Leon grimaced. “We have to back track a bit”.

“SAID NO MORE COUNTING DOLLARS WE’LL BE COUNTING STARS” Morgana and Gwen yelled. “TAKE THAT MONEY WATCH IT BURN SINK IN THE RIVER THE LESSONS ARE LEARNED”. 

“Lately I’ve been I’ve been loosing sleep dreaming about the thing we could be. No more counting dollars we’ll be counting stars, take that money watch it burn, sink in the river the lessons are learnt”.

“You two are oddly cheerful given the bad news” Arthur remarked. 

“Cause girls like you run round with girls like me, till sundown when I come through I need a girl like you yeah yeah” Morgana and Gwen continued to ignore Arthur. 

“Okay, left here everyone” Leon called as he went ahead. 

“How is it almost eight?” Morgana asked Gwen. They were beginning to get tired, and given they were barely 5” while the others were all 6” it was beginning to take it’s toll. 

“I know. It’s craAZYYY AHH MORGANA”. Gwen quickly gripped Morgana’s hand who looked at Gwen concernedly. 

“What’s wrong?” Morgana asked. 

“I fell down a hole” Gwen exclaimed, still holding on to Morgana’s hand. 

“Gwen, stop holding my hand” Morgana smiled. 

“Sorry” Gwen giggled. 

“And nope, we were supposed to go straight. Back we go then” Merlin sighed, as everybody turned around and went back through the field. 

“Let’s link arms” Gwen suggested. 

“Okay” Morgana agreed. “I’ve got home stuck in my head”.

“Same. I wanna go home” Gwen pouted. 

“Home, the place that I can go, to take this off my shoulders, someone take me home. Home, the place where I can go, to take this off my shoulders someone take me home” three sang. 

“It is rather fitting” Morgana remarked. “I want to go home so I can take this stupid ass bag of my shoulders”.

“Omg yes it is” Gwen agreed. “I didn’t—“ she began for the both of them. 

“Power through the struggle just to let a little trouble knock me out of my position and interrupt the vision, after everything I’ve been through after all of these decisions all these miles, feet inches they won’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace, somebody give me a sign I’m starting to loose faith”.

“Isn’t that song from Bright?” Merlin asked. 

“Yeah. Not that I’ve watched it. Just like the song” Morgana sighed. 

“Now how did all my dreams turn to nightmares how did I loose it when I was right there. Now I’m so far that it feels like it’s all gone to pieces, tell me why the world never fights fair, I’m trying to find”.

“Home” Merlin sang too, joining in. “The place where I can go. To take this off my shoulders, someone take me home. Someone take me home. Home the place where I can go, to take this off my shoulders, someone take me home-oh-oh, home-oh-oh”.

“I’ve been through so much pain that it’s hard to maintain any smile on my face cause there’s madness in my brain, so I gotta make it back but my Home ain’t on a map, gotta follow what I’m feeling to discover where it’s at” Gwen sang. 

“I need the memory!” Morgana continued. “In case this fades forever just to be sure these last days are better and defy any”.

“Enemies!”.

“To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe”.

“Tell me how did all my dreams turn to nightmares how did I lose it when I was right there, now I’m so far that it feels like I’ve all gone to pieces tell me why the world never fights fair” Merlin sang. 

“I found no cure for the loneliness I found no cure for the sickness. Nothing here feels like home. Crowded streets but I’m all alone” Morgana sang. 

“I found no cure for the loneliness, I found no cure for the sickness” Gwen and Merlin joined in. “Nothing here feels like home. Crowded streets but I’m all alone”.

“Someone take me” Morgana sang. 

“Home-oh oh oh, take me home!” Merlin sang. 

“Someone take me home” the trip sang in conclusion. 

“And now, we’re breaking” Morgana sighed as she flopped on her back like a turtle. “I’m exhausted”.

“I wonder why. All the singing perhaps?” Arthur teased. 

“At least we had fun, unlike you” Merlin retorted. 

“No need to get so personal Merlin” Leon joked. 

“If it’s meant to be, it’ll be! So baby just let it be. So come on ride with me, ride with me, se where this thing goes. Cause if it’s meant to be it’ll be. So baby just let it be” Gwen and Morgana sang. 

“The end is in sight!” Leon exclaimed. “This is our last field”.

”My eyes itch” Mordred whined.

Everyone ignored him.

“I recognise that stile!” Morgana exclaimed. 

“Same!” Gwen agreed. 

“Hallelujah! The end is in sight” Merlin exclaimed.

“My eyes still itch” Mordred said.

Relieved that they would finally be getting back to camp they quickly walked towards the stile and climbed over it, relieved to be back in the village. As they walked down the road they noticed a car coming up flashing at them so they stopped. 

The driver pulled the window down—Mr Alvarr and Miss Nimueh in the passenger seat. “Where were you?”. 

“Down private property having a barbecue and cuppa tea” Morgana said with a roll of her eyes as she sat on her bag. 

“Morgana!” Nimueh exclaimed. 

“What? I’m okay” Morgana reassured her with a smile. 

“Ouch my eyes” Mordred whined as he rubbed his eyes. 

“Mordred, calm down and take an antihistamine. You’re fine” Mr Alvarr sighed. 

“Morgana I’m not letting you take another step with that bag” Miss Nimueh said, getting out of the car and putting Morgana’s bag in the boot. 

“Does anyone else want their bag taken away?” Mr Alvarr checked. 

They all decided to not have their bags taken away and continued the ten minute walk down the road to the campsite. They arrived shortly after half eight (after Mordred became tired and needed a break on the road leading to the campsite), where Gwaine and Percy has finished pitching Morgana and Gwen’s tent. 

“So y’all just need to get the pegs in” Gwaine smiles. 

“Also, don’t sing peppa pig again. Or I’ll kick your tent again” Percy added. 

“Of course” Morgana smirked. “Sorry boys—do you mind? I’m getting hungry so”.

“Not at all” Gwaine immediately replied. After having a meltdown over water, almost setting fire to Gwen and Arthur burnt himself they were finally sat around in a circle eating their pasta and sauce—or in Arthur’s case, spaghetti and sauce. 

“I’m sure we saw you guys earlier” Gwaine said. 

“Really? When?” Morgana asked. 

“Arthur looked like he was riding a horse” Percy grinned. 

“He was running with a 60 litre bag on, he looked like an idiot” Morgana agreed. Shortly after finishing dinner and washing up it was time for bed. While most people remained in their regular clothes for bed, Morgana and Gwen went around in their Christmas onesies, making everyone envy them as they didn’t actually get cold. They all lay together under the stars watching them as the sun began to set, before retiring to their tents and succumbing to sleep after the long day. 


End file.
